Emotion overload...and patience shortage

have u ever tried to slove something by keeping it in to prove a point? frustiaghted how someones words didn't just hurt me, but effected someone else to bring me down even more. Pressured to please everyone and leave no one dissapointed...Take the blame and anger for something that ur didn't diserve, just so other ppl wouldn't be mad at each other.... move on happy while u keep all the problems all inside of u...
how much is too far?..... today i hit that point.. Tired of the same things happening over and over again... no one making an effort on changing these problems... still not getting the whole picture..
I finally screamed enough! ran to my room crying... i couldn't take it anymore..
i was so angry with my mother, we didn't exactly fight.. i was just so anger with her. i'm doing the best i can to do things right, but more than less, most just see, wut u didn't do, or wut u haven't done. i'm pressured to be the best i can be. pressured to grow up and take responsablity. pressured to be a good big sister. pressured to earn money. pressured to help around the house. pressured to always know right from worng.. pressured to just always know things....
anger.. not just between me and my mom... fights between mom and dad..... fights between my sister and mom.... mom telling me about dad...... dad saying things about mom.... my sister being pissed off, my brother frustiaghted. doors slamming, people yelling... and me just wanting to fix everything...... it's alot

not just from today, not even just from this week..... been months, even years....
i'm tired i couldn't take it. Emotional overload. and a short fuse with mom.. who can't see the bigger issues, thinking i'm making a huge deal. but it isn't just today mom, today just pushed me over.
u wonder why i leave so much when we have issues at home, it isn't becuz i wanna have fun, becuz i ignore the resopsablitys i have inmy own life, or at home.... i can't handle the fighting, yelling and people anger.... i leave cuz i can't be in ur house. u make me not want to be home... anywhere but home. i don't like to be home, cuz i know at anytime.. it will come up and i won't be able to handle it.... i don't want to cry. i leave so i don't have to let it get to that point.
u always say it's gonna get better mom.... but u have yet to prove it... don't keep giving me empty promises... actions speak.... words mean nothing to me.... i can't listen to ur words, i've already shut u out.... make me see truth.. and a better home.. before it's too late and ur little girl leaves....

getting ready for the bigger ride

just thinkin about alot of stuff.... i was telling my best friend Natalie, how it's so cool when God reasures ur right where u need to be... just in the lives of ur friends, the things u r doing, stuff like that. and last summer i had a breakdown on how i felt like i was going no where in life, i had some mixxed feelings about certain ppl and certain things in my life. I knew it might have been that i haven't given it all to God, it was hard cuz i tried so hard to give it to Him, i just wanted off my shoulders.... i tired so hard to let go on everything... but i still felt the same! i didn't know wut else to do! after a long chat and help from Nat I realized i had to fast, it was the only thing that i hadn't done.... then it was the only thing that felt right to do... so i fasted food for a whole week! it was the hardesr thing and the best thing i have ever done in my life! and i have no regrets on it. things got alot better.... since then, God showed me wut i needed to do about my feelings, i work alot harder at school with photography cuz i know i have a purpose and gift... my friends support me and lift me up, always when i need it most. And today God just reminded me.. "your right where u need to be" which made life so much easier....
....cause My family is starting a new biz, which i'm basically goin to run! so not only am i gonna have my own photography biz to run, but also my parents biz.... so we have alot to do... we have to go to colorado for a week leaving feb 20th, and have to be up and runnin by mid march! so that's just another huge thing i'll be adding to my plate. it's exciting cuz i'll make lots of money and have a biz and i can finally move out into my own place! so I'm hoping to be in my own place by the end of this year at the latest. so keep this all in prayer for me if u will.. thanks alot..