missed u this christmas

christmas memories... both good ones and bad.
last night in my mind, i then felt sad.
so many doubts, but always so many hopes.
still those mixxed emotions that u made me always feel.
in my heart i long for more.
i have so much love to give to u just so u can receive.
never will a christmas go by without thoughts of u.
for christmas eve was when u hooked me.
i knew then i would never leave u without a friend.
over more than a year without ur smile.
u made me cry for quite a while.
but i believe our paths shall cross again.
when ur ready u'll still have this friend.
for forever in my heart u will always be.
so when u get a chance, please call me.

I am a Kite

my favorite colors, strings and bows. reaching for the stars, getting stuck in my own day dreams. everyday wanting to be closer to the heavens. My head in the clouds and flying free higher and higher.... but we have that string that pulls us down. back to earth and realitys being dragged around until we have time to go back outside and let the wind of our imagination take us away again.
don't be mad at your string, for if we didn't have it, we would be blown off into space and lost FOREVER...

The Art is finally being set free!

i started an art journal oct29th and let me tell u, its something i should have done along time ago!
i love just sitting and drawing. and PAINTING! and when i'm finished with a piece i'm like, wow i wish i could do this full-time.
i am a creative.
its like all these colors, images, shapes were all trapped in my brain and now they r safe on paper.



This is just the start






always
just
alysia

happening....

Its almost here, the end of summer. September is just around the corner. The days getting shorter and weeks gone within a blink. Before i know it, my best friend will be hundreds of miles away, and months of being away from my side. Its slowly sinking in, that she can only be with me on the other side of the telephone line....
Getting ready for the amazing things God has for our lives at this point of time tho. In my mind i have so many goal for this year. but no one believes in me, or gives me a chance... u would think my family would believe in me. sure in my dreams... but reality, no way. how can i prove it if i am never given the chance?
I'm just so sick of all the crap i get in this house.... but i can't ever express myself, becuz ppl don't listen in my house. cuz "i don't really know" and "u think u had a hard day" "do u know wut that means?" my whole fam is always "i have the worst of everything" throw me the pity party will ya! so forget it....
wonder why i act like i have no problems, act like i have nothing to do.. becuz i don't want to be stuck in that pity party state.
i'm tired of all the "it will happen"
not if we don't start it, and help things head in those directions!

"don't expect things to happen! go out and get them!"
I think i'm quoting someone? if not, i just made a good quote! lol

a mesh of a few things i thought i's share.

"Live ur life Worthy of the calling u have received from Me.
I know the plans I have for u.
TRUST ME.
I have plans to prosper u and not to harm u. Plans to give u hope and a future!
When u seek me with all ur heart, u'll find Me.
U can count on Me to faithfully complete the good work I started in u."
*Eph 4* Jer 29* Phil 1*

Loving wil always be risky business I've learned.
we have to guard our hearts, but offer it fully to the friends who grace our lives.
Lately I've ask God just to let me be careful, but also to be caring. To guide me so i can live fully and love others wisely.

also when things are crazy and maybe all messed up, to use me to help others to see where my help really somes from.
Kristen dunst say's something like this, in elizabethtown. "don't be afraid of failing. fail big, show then u mess up and stick around. make em wonder why ur still around." most ppl don't see wut u do greatly, they see ur mistakes in big letters! so turn it back, and use it for good! ;)

"When u delight in HIM, He'll give u the things ur heart desires"
Which is just one of those things that it's so simple, yet so hard to do most of the time.
u can't just want things. and hope it's in God's plans.

the best way to define urself as a believer.... (I think)
someone said it to me like this...
there is many different religons, and alot of them pray for things.
hope for things. any person can hope, few actually "BELIEVE" in wut can happen.
"believer in Christ"= Believer in Wut Christ can actually DO!
example: if u have a hurting friend, don't pray " i hope so and so get's better"
Believe God is already healing them.
don't just nag God for wut hasn't been fixed.
Thank Him for wut He did! Wut He's doing! Wut HE'S GONNA DO!
"thank u Father for loving me and caring for me and my friends in pain. thanks for taking care of things. and i know u fix and heal"

When we give praise to God. When we worship.
when we're in the spirit with God.
we rise to a higher level, when we're at that level we're open to receive the miracles of God!

Emotion overload...and patience shortage

have u ever tried to slove something by keeping it in to prove a point? frustiaghted how someones words didn't just hurt me, but effected someone else to bring me down even more. Pressured to please everyone and leave no one dissapointed...Take the blame and anger for something that ur didn't diserve, just so other ppl wouldn't be mad at each other.... move on happy while u keep all the problems all inside of u...
how much is too far?..... today i hit that point.. Tired of the same things happening over and over again... no one making an effort on changing these problems... still not getting the whole picture..
I finally screamed enough! ran to my room crying... i couldn't take it anymore..
i was so angry with my mother, we didn't exactly fight.. i was just so anger with her. i'm doing the best i can to do things right, but more than less, most just see, wut u didn't do, or wut u haven't done. i'm pressured to be the best i can be. pressured to grow up and take responsablity. pressured to be a good big sister. pressured to earn money. pressured to help around the house. pressured to always know right from worng.. pressured to just always know things....
anger.. not just between me and my mom... fights between mom and dad..... fights between my sister and mom.... mom telling me about dad...... dad saying things about mom.... my sister being pissed off, my brother frustiaghted. doors slamming, people yelling... and me just wanting to fix everything...... it's alot

not just from today, not even just from this week..... been months, even years....
i'm tired i couldn't take it. Emotional overload. and a short fuse with mom.. who can't see the bigger issues, thinking i'm making a huge deal. but it isn't just today mom, today just pushed me over.
u wonder why i leave so much when we have issues at home, it isn't becuz i wanna have fun, becuz i ignore the resopsablitys i have inmy own life, or at home.... i can't handle the fighting, yelling and people anger.... i leave cuz i can't be in ur house. u make me not want to be home... anywhere but home. i don't like to be home, cuz i know at anytime.. it will come up and i won't be able to handle it.... i don't want to cry. i leave so i don't have to let it get to that point.
u always say it's gonna get better mom.... but u have yet to prove it... don't keep giving me empty promises... actions speak.... words mean nothing to me.... i can't listen to ur words, i've already shut u out.... make me see truth.. and a better home.. before it's too late and ur little girl leaves....

getting ready for the bigger ride

just thinkin about alot of stuff.... i was telling my best friend Natalie, how it's so cool when God reasures ur right where u need to be... just in the lives of ur friends, the things u r doing, stuff like that. and last summer i had a breakdown on how i felt like i was going no where in life, i had some mixxed feelings about certain ppl and certain things in my life. I knew it might have been that i haven't given it all to God, it was hard cuz i tried so hard to give it to Him, i just wanted off my shoulders.... i tired so hard to let go on everything... but i still felt the same! i didn't know wut else to do! after a long chat and help from Nat I realized i had to fast, it was the only thing that i hadn't done.... then it was the only thing that felt right to do... so i fasted food for a whole week! it was the hardesr thing and the best thing i have ever done in my life! and i have no regrets on it. things got alot better.... since then, God showed me wut i needed to do about my feelings, i work alot harder at school with photography cuz i know i have a purpose and gift... my friends support me and lift me up, always when i need it most. And today God just reminded me.. "your right where u need to be" which made life so much easier....
....cause My family is starting a new biz, which i'm basically goin to run! so not only am i gonna have my own photography biz to run, but also my parents biz.... so we have alot to do... we have to go to colorado for a week leaving feb 20th, and have to be up and runnin by mid march! so that's just another huge thing i'll be adding to my plate. it's exciting cuz i'll make lots of money and have a biz and i can finally move out into my own place! so I'm hoping to be in my own place by the end of this year at the latest. so keep this all in prayer for me if u will.. thanks alot..

easier done.. then said out loud

So This is my first blog post on here.. and like i said in the about me thingy or wutever, on here.. it's sometimes hard to express myself, my feelings out loud/face to face. In order to hear deeper it must be written out... even if some wut bluntly. i guess i feel more like ppl don't like to hear wut ppl have to say, even if those ppl have a good relationship with one another. so instead of me just straight out telling them wuts really going on i just keep it, write it down, maybe give them a letter or email.. becuz then it all becomes the choice of the other person weather they want to really listen.. i will not lie if u want to know truthfuly, its easier to be honest then to make up lies and cover them up day after day, lie after lie. I mean instead of insisting to throw words, feelings, stories, or just an opion onto someone, i find this way much easier... on both ends... but again that's just my own opion.